Ok so the very few of you who do actually read my blog have probably noticed I've avoided talking about my feelings for a while. It's intentional I'm not really sure what I'm feeling and I didn't want to muddy the collabs with my internal disaster. I'm pretty sure I got shit face drunk before, during, or after taking this picture. It was HORRIBLE. I burned bridges with at least 2 people probably forever. One of them I'm NOT going to try to talk to, I don't remember a lot of what I did or said but I know it was BAD. The other one I've reached out too a couple times but they haven't replied to me so I assume the damage is done for them.
Either way, I'm not handling myself well, I'm still very much in love with someone and I have zero intention of moving on. I also have no intention of getting back together. I am in a weird state of limbo where I just want to be myself for a while and see how I like myself alone. I'm quick to throw 100% of myself into people even if they don't deserve it, I trust too easily, and also I'm too secretive at the same time. I don't like people in my business but I like to be in everyone elses and at the same time I volunteer anything pretty much when asked. On top of my emotional turmoil this month has been stress with blogging and work. Moving cost me half the month and catching up has been HELL. Seriously though I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've lost people along the way but that's not new, some people still hate me enough to sabotage friendships I'm kindling.
I lost a friend the other day without a word, I know exactly why though, I'd bet 100,000 lindons it was that lying toxic bitch I used to simp for. Anyways, it sucks though cuz the person who blocked me, we were actually talking, nothing crazy but like they had to know I wasn't whatever bad shit their friend says about me right? I don't know. Sucks to not get answers. I did get a killer playlist from them though so I will continue to listen to that. Thank youuuu.
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