There's not a whole lot else to say between day one and two. This song is pretty on par, it's a song I've listened to for quite a while usually when I break my relationships the way that I do. Just more proof that I'm self aware and in denial but I'm taking steps in the right direction. It's been a fucking struggle for me though, sending out these letters that I've sent is hard, it's almost mean or brutal to an extent. Some of the people were actually grateful to hear the truth which was encouraging. A lot of people told me to go fuck myself too so that's more along the lines of what I expected. Either way though I'm glad I finally got to do a picture to this song, it's one of my most relatable.
Blogging for me is a double edged sword, it's a good source of motivation and inspiration, it's nice to have a lot of things to choose from and come up with creative ways to display them. I use music as a source of inspiration too, I try to have a song in mind and do a picture to fit it and that was the struggle with blogging too. I want to do X concept but am I able to do it with the things I have to blog? Deadlines can be very frustrating and suffocating sometimes. I got lucky though, this Vecna Tattoo is sooo good, i's just perfect representation of how I feel, just filthy and toxic and spreading all over myself and others. The jellyfish were a filler outfit but they add such a good effect and once I turned the contrast up this picture super took a turn to looking underwater and that was not the original intention. Symbolic really for how I'm drowning. Lastly the horns, I mean I'm a demon with what I've done so yeah, was always gonna wear horns. I chose Nef's Horns over Cubic Cherry's cuz I felt they matched what I was going for better.
As far as updates go for me, I'm doing a little better, last week was fucking horrible, this week was better. I'm a fixer so having a goal or several goals which I have set for myself has been something I can latch on to and yeah. I haven't changed but I'm at least behaving differently and trying to force myself to behave differently. If I can learn self control that alone would be a huge step. If I can stop lying for literally no reason then that's a huge step for me. Am I going to stop wanting to fuck vending machines? No. Am I going to stop chasing vending machines? Yes. I'm done making advances on new people I meet, I've had like 3 whole conversations with new people and did zero flirting. I'm fucking goated lmao. Anyways it's a long journey.